March 2013

A quick thank you for everyone’s patience, we’re currently waiting on our print order.

Quick update

We’d like to remind everyone we’re no longer accepting submissions after the 20^th of February for our March magazine launch issue. You can still submit for the blog or pending summer issue however.

- That Cat

February 2013 Blog Roll

The countdown to D-Day (Dogs on holiDay) ends, here's our February 2013 roster ;

1.       Lester, February’s Pin Up – tamed by Deborah Klein

2.       Jodene Has a BF – Marc S. Cohen

3.       Plucked Or On Vine – S. Alex

4.       Kitties in the Midst – Deborah Klein

5.       The Oracle as an Infallible Prophet on Something- Norman A. Rubin

6.       STRIP JOINT MEDICINE - Fred Desjardins

7.       How To Be A Loner - Charles B. Lawson

8.       How To Entertain Delivery Men and Inspire Me –Anonymous

*to contributors; if there are any errors or oversights please let us know and they’ll be corrected ASAP.

 

Also a quick reminder to follow us on facebook.

Applaws Worthy Pin-Up

 

This is Lester, he resides with Deborah Klein and loves getting his picture published as much as possible.

 

 

 

Jodene Has a BF

Jodene Has a BF

Marc S. Cohen

            And now everyone's upset. WTF?? texts Dakota. OMFG!!! texts Mercede. :O#@!%!!!! texts Serenity. Worst to take it is Serenity. Everyone just assumed she was going to be the first. It was Serenity whose Middle School classmates voted most likely to grow up to be a centerfold. She was the first to get braces, and the first to graduate to a B-cup. Is it her fault the boys are all intimidated by her? Even the high school boys?

Plucked Or On Vine

 

 

 

S. Alex is a writer, artist and unproven sociopath. Her agent is her cat Bodanius Rufus.

Kitties in the Midst

      Kitties in the Midst

   Deborah Klein

Friends and family who know me also know I will be a lone, old woman surrounded by cats, or at least a cat, until I die.  If the nursing home won’t allow them, my daughter will smuggle one in in a Little Debbie cookie box.

I love all the creatures, (except poisonous   snakes, spiders, and other really ugly, terrifying things that breathe.)   But I respect every creature’s right to be here.  I’m certainly not worthy of having dominion over them, that’s for damned sure. That was one of God’s stupid ideas, putting us in charge. Lot’s wife was another stupid decision.  So was menopause and cramps.

The Oracle as an Infallible Prophet on Something

The Oracle as an Infallible Prophet on Something
Norman A. Rubin

"Wal' the Oracle was a gipsy woman who advertised herself on the sign tacked up on the outside wall to her hocus pocus parlor 'Natasha, the Oracle' – Fortune Telling, Foretelling the Future and Divination – by appointment... '' chattered the Old Major to a pack of old duffers, eight in all, sitting around the warm barrel stove in Lem's General store. “She went with the name as Natasha Rasputin, but her real moniker was Sarah Cohen, Brooklyn born.

STRIP JOINT MEDICINE

STRIP JOINT MEDICINE

Fred Desjardins

 

What can you learn about the world of medicine working in a strip club?

 Plenty. Neurology, biology, chemistry, surgery - the whole nine yards. At

 the time I was working my way through university toiling in a joint

 called The Downtown Connection. The locals suggested that the

 "connection" likely referred to the relationship between a steel-toed

 boot and genitalia. I started as a waiter but my job description came to

include manager, waiter, bookkeeper, bouncer, fill-in disc jockey and

 stripper-auditioner.

 

How To Be A Loner

How To Be A Loner

 Charles B. Lawson

The secret to being the perfect loner is pretty simple for the most part; you just don’t have to be interested in people. The title for the piece, How To Be A Loner, is one of the many titles that went through my head before sitting down to write this. My bartender suggested the title, A Reluctance To Settle For Mediocrity. The fact is this isn’t so much a piece about how to be a recluse or the outlier of society, it’s more about my life in college and my life in general. This is how I’ve gone about my business, my dirty life and times if you will.

How To Entertain Delivery Men and Inspire Me

How To Entertain Delivery Men

I wear a hat to bed.  I did some laundry and washed my hat.  I was really sleepy when I dug in the laundry basket for my hat.  I slept all night and was woken up by a parcel delivery person.  I could not understand why this person was holding their sides while waiting for me to sign for the package.  It wasn't until I looked in the mirror and realized I had pulled (a clean) pair of men’s knit boxers on my head instead of my hat.  So, I answered the door with men's underwear on my head.  I think I made the delivery person's day!

Q & A, the A bit

Just a quick paws to answer some email queries,

For all readers and contributors please keep the first of February on your mind and calendars- this is the date we go ‘live’.

For all who’ve received acceptance to the magazine version please make sure we have your address (so we can send your contributor’s copy). Email it to us please (NEVER post it online i.e. the blog, safety people!) at absccomedy@gmail.com.

Anyone who still wants to submit for the blog has a mere three days remaining. Anyone who wants to submit for the magazine has some leeway into February, though we will have to hit up the printing press shortly into the month so as to have our print version ready for its March release.

PS. Submitters if you have a short bio or link to your website/blog you'd like to appear with your post, please send that along as well.

Once the print version is ready to be released we will have a Paypal set up for those seeking to purchase copies of the first issue. This will appear on the blog.

There is no payment for our bloggers at the moment, we are brand new, and our current goal is provide good writers/artists with a place to showcase their talents. The same applies to our magazine, although contributor’s copies are in order for everyone who appears within its pages.

Thanks again to everyone who has been submitting!

-That Cat

Where's your art at?

Some really awesome submissions have come in, some seriously questionable ones as well- but we’ve a real lack of art and comics in the box! C’mon, we can’t stare at cardboard all day. Submit!

-That Cat

Submission Call

This is an offbeat comedy blog looking to post comics, art, prose, poetry and anything else creative so long as it's comedic. No homophobia, racism, misogyny or the like please. Send us your submissions! Posting begins on February 1st 2013.

No real rules for submitting.

Authored by Schrödinger’s Cat is expecting to publish a chapbook this spring.  We're going magazine like we're in heat.

Submit to absccomedy@gmail.com

 - That Cat